And so it begins again…
March 24, 2011, 9:16 pm
Filed under: The Generic | Tags:

I’ve been away from this game far too long. I’ve not blogged in month(s) and yet I have yearned for it.

I return.

Not to triumphant and epic fanfare. Oh no.

But to a quiet whisper of.. ‘who the fuck are you anyway?’

It’s easy to feel insignificant in the blogosphere. I’m sure the numbers of blogs and blog posts out there make all but the vast, endless quantities of stars out there (points upwards-ish, out of train window) seem small.

But to me? I’m everything. And until you rationalise that you are everything first, I’m not sure you can fully accept someone else is something or anything at all.

Cryptic, yes. Bullshit…maybe.

Some may know (though of course whether you care is entirely your own) that I am newly single.

And what have I done? All that good men do when in a personal crisis.

Play computer games, drink more beer than normal, and indulge in philosophy-lite.

I’m also room-hunting. Something arguably more productive than any above. I’ve not done it in a little while now (c. 2 years) but it’s got no less stressful. I already hate it.

I’ve seen one so far.

Was in Grove Park. Now I will apologise if anyone reading this is from Grove Park or likes the area. But it’s awful.

Greeted at the station exit by a boarded up pub, and a shop parade with only half the lots being used as shops. The other half presumably being cultivated by Alan Sugar for his more primitive electronic boardings – posters.

The room itself was a good size. Ensuite too. House was big but dated and needed some TLC. All seemed to treat like student digs.

Not for me.

I’m now pursuing other lines of enquiry. I’ll update when I know more…



Where in the world is Jacob?
February 4, 2011, 6:44 pm
Filed under: The Generic

So I’m blogging on-the-go tonight. I’m actually in a pub opposite Blackfriars station with work people after a tough week. Wales and England are on soon. Can’t wait.

This is the mobile web in action. Social media at it’s prodigal best. I am a living, breathing web 2.0 demi-god.

Can I be topped? Probably not. Can I be stopped? Yes. When I lose 3G signal.

Drats! As much as I love this, I’m always thwarted. There is always a downside.

I must now return to my pint.

Oh and this is a photo of some old Citreons I took this morning near Waterloo.

Where Have All The Blogs Gone?
February 1, 2011, 8:15 pm
Filed under: Football, The Generic | Tags: , , ,

I do completely have to apologise. And a lot. And I will.

Right now.

Right here.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’m a useless berk. I’m sorry that as I am this useless berk I have been unable to write. Or in fact do anything.

Yes, that was exactly the problem. I was unable to do anything. Not even like…eat.

Okay so I took that too far. I just didn’t write. I think I exhausted writing c. 1000 words a day.

All right, so c. 800 words a day.

But I was doing well and felt that I didn’t want to keep up that standard, ya know? I’m like..managing expectations. I don’t believe I could deliver that for a year. Perhaps after I have already completed a year of something far less…committed.

So the last couple of weeks have been okay.

Katie my girlfriend has come back from Australia.

Just back from Down Under right mate?

Please don’t think my girlfriend is Lily Allen, she is not. Hence why she is called Katie. This is just a picture of a girl who is presumably just back from Australia. It fits okay?

So good times was had by both the fact that she was back. Two and half weeks away was tough and she was sorely missed.

I also got two new t-shirts! I would photograph them, but they are being washed as I have worn them just so much.

Other than this, I have been working and that’s kinda it really.

Today I had my appraisal. Which went really well. Really very good feedback, and very happy.

Towards something more interesting….I’ve started running. I bought some running shoes (pictorial) and I plan to get fit and into a good state. I’m currently not fat, but I have begun to get a belly from too much time spent sitting on the computer. I used to be so trim and stuff, and so want to get back to those stages and washboard abs (can’t actually remember if I ever had them but I assume I did at some point…)

Nike Lunaracer+ 2

I’ve already been on a couple of runs and I have a Ultimate Frisbee tournament this weekend in Norwich, in which I will get to run around lots, which will again help my fitness. Now I just need to get a Nike+ thingy to help me with my running – because it will – and then I’m good to go and get myself back to the well-oiled machine I once was.

I gotta go watch football now. It’s important. It really is.

My future blog posts will be short like this, but more frequent for sure. I’m sorry…again.

My Gaming Memories, Part III: Mega!


It’s back…


…and it’s better…


…than ever before…


..and probably ever since.

Sorry. A bit drunk. Couldn’t resist this New Zealand sauvignon blanc. Tres tasty. So much so, it’s all gone. Epic.

Please very quickly go to the bottom of this post and start the video going. The music will accompany the prose. Honestly, it makes it so much more interesting.

So here comes my MegaDrive memories, which also weirdly includes the CD-i…

I can’t really do a megadrive-based blog without talking about the SEGA Mario. Sonic.

I remember one of my friends, Katie – whom I played lots of tennis with – had a MegaDrive. We played so much Sonic 2, Sonic & Knuckles and Sonic 3. I remember you could plug Sonic 3 into Sonic & Knuckles and then it kinda added some extra things to the game. We had an awful lot of fun with it. We literally spent HOURS playing that, and being as I didn’t own the console, I wasn’t allowed to be Sonic, so was always Knuckles. That really crappy red guy with floppy hair and I would kinda float as my special move. Crap. We completed it a few times and I am sure that once you completed it you would go through again getting the super emerald crystals or something ridiculous.

Once again, this occurred over the summer. Obviously.

With Katie, these were all the games we played – apart from Theme Park and Theme Hospital, but these were later on, on her PC.

Moving from this to MegaDrive playing with, at the time, my best friend Matthew; we played so much Desert Strike.

What. A. Game.

The first level was incredibly tough. This massive great desert. Lots to do. Lots of things that would easily shoot you down. But then you could come across some random man in the desert, and he’d turn out to be an incredible pilot! Used to think it was incredible. You’d shoot a tent. It would explode. A crater would be left behind. ANd controlling the helicopter itself was an absolute art.

Wait…why am I bleeding? There is blood all over my middle and ring finger on my right hand.

Hmmm. Seems I picked some skin round my nail (always do it) but didn’t see I had gone a bit too deep and it had bled.

Damn. Now I find blood on my mouse and glass. Sigh.

Right, so that’s cleaned up now. Back to DS. As ever with games back then, I remember it being fairly unforgiving. The amount of times I died, and had to start again and shit. Pretty annoying. But as ever back then, we carried on. None of this easy save things. Hell, the Amiga used to give you a password for every level, which you would write down and then input to carry on your progress. HA. Lemmings did that. You’d end up with a huge list for all the different levels of difficulty and by the end you hate a notepad full of them. Those were indeed the days.

Sequels to DS? Jungle Strike, where you got to drive like a hovercraft, bike and a stealth bomber or something silly. Urban strike was worse still. I’m pretty sure the last level was INSIDE a casino. Ridiculous. The others, Soviet and Nuclear strike on the Playstation were pretty awful from what I remember.

Aside from DS, we also played some tennis game. Davis Cup World Tour Tennis or something. Loads of fun. Had enough depth for us, but very challenging. I don’t think Matt and I ever got past the first round of the cup. We were awful. But good times nonetheless.

Finally for MegaDrive was Premier Manager 3. First foray into football management sims that would culminate in all-nighters on Football Manager 07 in my third year of university with my housemate. We’d chain smoke (one did the funky stuff, the other normal cigs) and sit at my computer and play it all night. Taking it in turns. Drinking cheap bottles of wine from the bottle. I’d be Everton, he’d be Villa. Haha. Honestly, the amount of time we spent on that was absurd. It would take hours to get through just the first game, because we’d both spend so much time sorting out our team at first. We’d start to limit the time to 5 minutes and eventually, after about a week, we completed the first season. Facing each other in the league or cups was the best. Watching the match on a fairly slow speed, seeing all commentary. What geeks we were, but high and drunk geeks nonetheless.

Anyway, back to Premier Manager. You were forced to a Conference team (usually Dagenham & Redbridge or Kidderminster as they started with most money) and told to work your way up. Buying crappy players from your league. Expanding your stadium and it’s facilities. Speaking to agents. Even choosing the sponsors and where they would go on your boardings!! Great depth. Overwhelmed to be honest. Here’s a picture.

Can you work out what each one meant?

I don’t think we ever took a team to the top, probably Div 1 at the best. We had short attention spans back then and were just getting into the whole buying FHM phase, and Caprice posters. I’m sure we weren’t the only kids to do this.

Okay, I’m sorry but I need to wrap this up. I need lots of sleep tonight. I’m afraid CD-i will come Thursday where it will be short, thus reserving Playstation (FFVII, Porsche CHallenge, Tomb Raider 2, Twisted Metal World Tour) until next week. For the better, for the better.

Peace out homies. Here’s a tune to thump to whilst reading…

Post-Hiatus and a Change of Tact
January 17, 2011, 11:10 pm
Filed under: The Generic

So I’ve had a couple of days off, just to chill and hopefully increase inspiration for today.

And I know my SDOTWSC/T dictates that I talk about career. But I am totally going to break that.

Instead, I am going to keep it short and wish that everyone would go and do something that they really want to for a career.

Seems pretty foppish and pathetic, and it probably is. But seriously. Go do it.

Tomorrow I’ll get back to My Gaming Memories, Part III. The Megadrive & Miscellaneous, including CD-i, the ghost-like predecessor to the Playstation.

I'm looooooonely...

No, honestly, it is!

FMV was god back then. You’ll see!

My Most Prized Possession, White Gold and…Her.

I will of course – as is polite and…usual – apologise for my late posting of Friday’s blog. If it comforts you – and it should – I started writing this on Friday, but consequently finish it on Saturday. I am obliged to say it took me a day to write. Much like ‘see you next year’ when you say farewell to friends, in full knowledge you will not see them again until after New Year’s.

So yeah, it was a shit joke. But definitely a joke.

My Friday blog is meant to be on the subject of drinking. A vague one you might cry out, but I can assure you it will be specific to myself, though not to alcoholic drinks. My favourite drink is milk. Wonderful, refrigerated, semi-skimmed milk. The white gold. On this subject I shall talk.

Pfffffft. Wow. YES.

I’m not entirely sure why I started to enjoy milk so much. I think though, it began when I had this amazing sensation from drinking cold milk, straight from the fridge not long after I had got up, where I was totally warm. You could feel the ice cold milk slither down your throat and into your stomach, sending out this tingle of cold energy throughout my limbs. Refreshing me. Re-energizing me.


It was just nice…like.

To this day I still drink at least 2 pints a day. I can just get through it. Often glasses aren’t large enough so I keep going back for more. But then if I’m running on a pint glass, I’ll easily put away 4 or 5 pints of it.

As I said, white gold.

I even own a very special glass bottle and glasses for my milk. Though I need to buy bags of milk to refill it. Which only come from the Big Sainsburys. It is a 15 minute walk there. It makes me sad.

Probably my most prized possession.

Many people ask me if this is how I got so tall. No. This is not how I got so tall. I think that is a consequence of taking steroid tables when I was younger due to incredibly bad asthma. I think. For sure we did not have a tall postman or milkman.

I can never understand why people don’t like it either. What is not to like? People sometimes say ‘oh it’s DISGUSTING when it’s warm…’ I agree. Hence why I drink it could douchebags. I used to drink blue milk exclusively (full-fat to the scientific) but I felt…well I didn’t want to get obese and shit. I stopped. I controlled. I was modest. It was easy. Why can’t the rest of them?

WOW. Controversial written word.

Haha this has just reminded me of a video…



If you don’t get that, video below. One of the funniest moments of last year, was probably watching that video (and ‘Double Rainbow’) with Baron, Max, Pete and Harry. Smoking a few. And Baron sitting on this full-on, back-tilting, leather office chairs. You know the ones. Where they are so comfortable. He was laughing so hard, his face was red, he was crying and then very nearly fell off the chair. Which of course to the rest of us was even more hilarious.

Please check out the video, perhaps after smoking something with other people where you are giggly.

Yeah I know it’s old. But always tickles me. He’s trying to be a treasurer? Wtf.

So my main aim of this post wasn’t actually to address Friday’s SDOTWSC/T, but instead talk about a film I watched tonight.

Scott Pilgrim vs The World

And what a movie it was! Absolutely loved that it was essentially a video-game from start to finish. Small little sound effects really made it great. And I have to admit, Mary Elizabeth Winstead is really quite attractive. Not sure on the hair, but nevermind.

Mandatory photo. Need to make it interesting somehow.

I’ve employed size for clarity. But then I also think this extra media just makes this go the extra distance. I’ve still typed 700-odd words. I now wonder why it was so difficult at university to do. I bashed out 1000 words last night without breaking a sweat.

So back to the movie. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Needing to find the soundtrack now and give that a listen.

Wow Frank Black got involved. What a track too. Very Pixies-Doolittle too. Man…I need to give that a listen again.

Finally on films – there are some cracking movies on TV tonight late. See below…

  • BBC1 – Starship Troopers – 11.30pm -> 1.30am
  • ITV1 – US Marshals – 2.40am -> 4.50am
  • More4 – Talented Mr Ripley – 12.45am -> 3.30am

So I’ve got things to keep me going should the cat keep me up.

Tomorrow is likely to be a boring and short blog. I’ll have nothing to say. Unless the cat like throws up, or something big in the news happens, which is likely to be a disaster if the media report it widely, which I obviously wouldn’t wish to happen anywhere.

Well..maybe France.

My Gaming Memories, Part II: My friend’s Nintendo…

Oh hello. Didn’t see you there.

How are you doing? Good, good. You came round to see if Part II can come out to play? Let me just go check.


I’m afraid she’s in the bath. You can go up if you want.



So I promised some movement chronologically but before I do that, I need to very quickly revisit some gems I had actually *gasp* forgotten about in my first part of this delectable program of literature.

And how was I reminded of these? A friend at work, Darren (you can see his quest to run the marathon (scoff) at his blog here – I hope he does it, he seems to be going through some awfully good music whilst training, it’d be a shame for it to go to waste…) emailed me regarding the blog and got me thinking…

Firstly, just back to Arsenal. He is right. They lack a leader of men, a fiery, driven Englishman. For all John Terry’s faults (and there are many…) he is a leader. He is passionate and driven, albeit shit. Man United have Rio Ferdinand. Even Newcastle have someone like Nolan who does a fine job of it. Arsenal have no-one like this. No-one with true grit. Too much guile. And Fabregas’ comments today in the press really show him up to be a player lacking in class. Were they playing Rugby? Well if they were, they still beat you at football, despite you being the ones playing it. Jackasses.

Anyway, the Amiga. I found a video. 100 Amiga games in 10 minutes. Granted it’s a long video to be watching on YouTube but it’s well worth it for anyone who owned an Amiga. And the game I was going to mention was Rodland. Yes, a dubious name. But it was so cute and addictive! It’s around 6:40 on the video.

Highlights: Rodland, Desert Strike, Populous II, Sensible Soccer and XCOM Enemy Unknown (my favourite game ever, though I first played it on the PS)

So moving away from the Amiga as promised, I head towards Nintendo’s outing with the NES.

I didn’t have a NES. God no. My next door neighbour Sammy did. We played that into the ground. He had four games. Super Mario Bros 1, The Legend of Zelda, Super Mario Bros 3 and Rad Racer.

It was worth as much as it looked...

Zelda was fantastic, it was a gold cartridge (see right bozo’s). And we enjoyed that so damn much. Despite it being only a one player, we’d sit round with the map and aim to complete it. I remember Sammy on this one bit where you walk through a desert and it’s always the same screen unless you do the right combination of up, down, left or right. A strategy employed by many games in the future, notably Final Fantasy VII when you’re in the desert prison and you need to find the big black guy, his name was JAKEDEATH when I first played it, or at least when my uncle played it. It was pretty damn hard. Especially the dungeons. If you didn’t have a shield you were screwed, especially with such clunky controls. Nevertheless, we played it through and finally completed it during the summer holidays (these things always happen then). It was great times.

Next was Super Mario Bros 3 (I’ll skip Mario Bros 1 because everyone has played that…or at least they should have done). We played that so much I can still remember the 8 worlds; Normal, Desert, Water, Giant, Sky, Ice, Pipe and Shadow. And then there were the flutes which would take you to the next tier of levels. You got these on the third level; the first white block floating from the end, sit and duck on there for like 4 seconds and you would fall behind the screen and you could run to the end, jump over and into a room with the flute. Second flute in world 1 was in the castle. Near the end where you had the door into the boss room, you needed to make sure you had the Racoon suit, and run, fly and up above the boss door. All the way along to a secret room, again for the flute. EPIC. Crazy how I remember that shit, like 20 years after it happened. Jeez.

That's right, that covers your pixel-penis.

We never completed it though. Shadow land was too hard. There was one level…just a pitch black screen. WTF was that about. Too difficult. Sorry. Nope. Nothing doing.

Finally from the NES that I will talk about, Double Dragon. My neighbour never owned this himself, he borrowed it off his other friend. But what fun we had! It was one of those classic Co-op-beat-the-shit-out-of-1980’s-goons genre. Similar vein to Streets of Rage, but more….fun. Played for hours. Because of these times, I have had a lot of fun with this genre since, or at least whenever there is a worthwhile game out. Streets of Rage, Fighting Force on the Playstation, and I believe Tekken tried to do it for Tekken 3 as a mini-game, but it was batshit hard though. That was also the game that had a boxing kangaroo as a playable character? Go figure.

Okay, so I was going to hit up the Megadrive in this version as well, but feel it’s already quite lengthy. Also, who am I to deny myself an obvious subject next week when I am languishing at the bottom of the inspiration tumulus.

Please do enjoy the amiga videos.

What a bloody game. Want it.